Come

just as you are, love, just as you are

In my hands

In my hands, in my tired trembling hands, I hold you. I hold us. I used these hands to mould the future we both saw. We laughed about, we fondly thought of and looked towards.

Where do broken hearts go?

Is it to the cage of locked up memories that hurt too much to open? Is it in the room of conflict and confrontation, where the fragile glass of what we had broke into unfixable pieces? Or to the hallway of the museum that displays what we used to be, who we used to be.

Where do I take it?

The heaviness in my heart. The painful feeling of almost? The frustration of seeing gold slip from your fingers not because you couldn't hold on tightly, but because it's value was rendered nonexistent. The fatigue of replaying conversations and conjuring up new ones, new ones that will never happen.

mũrata wakwa

We shouldn't be here, it shouldn't have reached here, where we're two living ghosts in each other's presence. The lines our spirits drew, do they pierce you from time to time as they do me? The sound of our laughs, the sound of us. they should be an echo of our love for each other, not like painful knives in my ears, as they are now.

mũrata wakwa

Days go by and I find myself meeting your gaze, but instead of finding the wendo that was once there, full and sweet, I feel bitterness, anguish and hurt.

My heart aches to give you the love that I have, the love that I always had, the love that I will always have. I long to extend who I am to you. I want you to feel the warmth of my heart. I need it to melt the ice that life dealt us. My arms long to make you feel seen, cared for, thought of. I want to hear us echo again, not in form of memory but in real time. In present time. I long for when you fill my time.

mwendwa wakwa

Remember how our joy knew no bounds. I remember you in all you ecstacy and splendour, how we'd talk about a future we were determined to be a part of. How we'd plan then do the unplanned. How even on darkest days we were each other's home, each others mũciĩ.

We longed to end the day together despite starting it far away. Right now, we're far away in spirit and it hurts me .

Coka mũciĩ, mũrata wakwa

Come back home to me.

Though our recent interactions are riddled with despondency beneath our sourness. Do you know how beautiful you are? In the essence of your emotion? Do you know how lovely you are? In your bare existence. Your inherent authentic aura, lovely to any beholder's eye. Do you know how fragile you are? You require hands that were purposely moulded to embrace you. Life that was carefully crafted to behold your heart.

Coka mũciĩ, my mwendwa

Come let's dream again. Come let's see each other in the paradigm of love, of light, of care once more. Because if someone cares for you, won't they always do? I want us to bask in each other's, warmth, feel how bright the stars shine through us. Come back home, come to me and rest your heavy heart.

Coka mũciĩ, my mwendwa,

Rudi nyumbani.

My arms are wide open,

My heart is wide open.